The difference between loyalty and obedience — especially for writers and creators.

Leah Pellegrini
6 min readApr 7, 2022

Plus, Mary Oliver on the “third self.”

“The Mirror” by William Merritt Chase. Via Cincinnati Art Museum/Wikipedia.

I’m taking Tomato on his ordinary morning walk around the neighborhood, and I’m beginning to write this essay in my head, scrambling the ideas together. It’s due, see? I promised I’d publish a new one every week. I will keep my promise.

Mostly, I resist obligations and commitments, but not where writing is concerned. I feel loyal to writing, perhaps compulsively, which is not to say that I always act loyal to it. But when I abandon my creative work too regularly, I go entirely dysfunctional. I get resentful. I want to blame everything and everybody else for getting in the way of the thing I am here to do, don’t you get it?!?!?

So I’m tugging open-mouthed Tomato away from the pile of another dog’s left-behind poop, and I’m saying “uh-uh” and then “good boy” as I make him wait for the light to turn green at the crosswalk, and I’m trilling at him sweetly as he looks up with a tail wag, hoping for an extra treat he hasn’t really earned. I give it to him anyway. And all the while, my mind is molding sentences.

When we land back by the front door, I remember that it’s street cleaning day, so I have to move my car from its current spot down the block. I pop Tomato in the passenger’s seat…

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Leah Pellegrini

Writer, farmer, etc, just trying to make Mama Nay proud.